Stolen

Lost. That’s what I am now. I feel like I’m completely lost. I have no clue where I’m going or what I’m doing. Everything I’ve ever known has been washed away. Either by me and my stupidity or by other people.

I walk into my room at my dad's house and it doesn't feel like my room and I have no motivation to do anything about it. I want to make it mine so I don't feel like I’m living in a hotel, but I have no clue how. What makes a room yours? Why should I make it feel like it belongs to me? Debs just going to take over it and use it as her sewing room. Why my room? She has the whole house to use as her sew room. There's even an empty room that she's using now for herself. She told me that when she went off to college that her dad took her room and used it as his office and that it's going to be the same way in this household. Why? That's not the way my dad told me it was going to be. How can you feel good about yourself when you come into a family that barely functions as it is and turn everything further upside down? Since I was little and knew what college was it was always know that I would have my room at home until I got a place of my own besides the dorms. Then my parents got divorced, which didn't change anything about the room situation. I would still have a place to call home. Then Deb came along and changed everything. I no longer know what to expect. Am I going to have a room at home that is mine after august or am I going to have to call my car home?

Every day I sit around trying to figure out what I’m going to do until august. So far nothing has sounded like a good plan. Getting a job isn't working so well. I never have any luck. I get an interview but that’s as far as it goes. Everyone keeps telling me to get a job or they will do this or that. It doesn't help. All it does is send me farther down the hole to defeat. This is a place I don’t want to go. I can't admit defeat, but soon I might. If I do that would be the end. Once you admit defeat there is nowhere to go. You're just done with.